When do you realize, or come to the conclusion that it is time to let go of relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic? It is a heavy-hearted choice; decision. You must decide to let go of all the time and effort you put into that relationship, all the sweat and tears. Sometimes cutting the cord is a liberating decision that we must all face at some point in our lives. Other times, it is heartbreaking, causes emotional havoc in our body and soul.
I am a person that cares deeply, I am cautious, sometimes skeptical but I don’t let that hold me back from experiencing life. That way of living comes with a lot of decisions like this one. But you also have to know when to give out second chances.
I find that these types of people are the ones you should really consider to keep in your life or to cut them like cold turkey, respectively.
- Favour seekers– These are people who take advantage of you, and they do not really care whether you are hurt or left in the dust afterwards, they got what they came to you for. That is what they do, they come seeking for help, and to us it feels good being needed, but after they get what they wanted suddenly are nowhere to be found unless they need something again. Notice how I did not mention that they want you? We deserve better from people. Do not settle for a relationship where you feel like you don’t get anything you need in return, balancing out the give and take. In this case it is always tipped in their favour.
- Pessimistic’s– People who are always negative (for the most part anyways). Do you have a friend who has been going through a rough patch (no matter how minor it seems) and you just want to help? In any way you can? These people usually deny and shut you down every time you offer to help or be any kind of supporting friend. They constantly bring your mood down, or they are saying that keep wanting to “fix” them or “change” them. It can take a lot out of you! If you do not catch yourself you may become just like them to your other friends because you are constantly in a negative mood as a result of this pessimistic person – it is a domino effect. I am not saying that people can’t vent, but every person has to monitor how much they vent to their friends and family. Sound familiar?
- Controlling and Jealous– Are you independent? No? It doesn’t matter if you are an independent person or if you are one. The same goes for all people anywhere: you deserve people who can respect you and your independence. Not only in romantic relationships as this category is more likely to come up these days under that category because of history and pop cultures reputation with the romantic controlling behaviour, but with friends and family as well. If you are out with whomever and you have a friend who will become angry if you don’t call, text or ‘Snapchat’ them back; because they come to the conclusion that you are betraying them in some way, demanding to know what you were doing, and who with (remember friends do this too).
- Judgmental “critics”– This one is easy and hard to make the decision with. You may feel like they have merit in saying things like “you really should not have worn that top with those pants” or more subtle “cannot believe you did that“/”You seriously did that?” with the “I am just kidding” afterwards. It is like Double Speak, you feel as if it is almost an incredible funny story and that they think so too, but then they add the “just kidding” and you are left wondering if it is an insult now instead of a funny story or confiding in a friend about something then left feeling judged. I am not just talking about one, two or a handful of times that a friend has done this; I am saying to look for a pattern in your friend’s behaviour and evaluate from there.
- “Wasn’t my fault” – People that do not take responsibility for their actions or words. Like in romantic relationships “you are trying to change me” when in all honesty you are trying to be a supportive friend and let them talk about their issues or whatever they say and acknowledge about themselves negatively; vent. This is when they turn around and say that you are trying to change them and that they just can’t be who you want them to be etc. This is one I am very familiar with. These are people who can barely trust themselves and definitely not other people when it comes to real and true emotions and situations. If it becomes habit, when they show no signs of getting a better attitude or steps into taking responsibility for their actions and their own thoughts then it may not be worth being that supportive friend.
I know I started this off with a negative note but it is really important for your well-being and when enough is enough. When there is no doubt that someone couldn’t fault you for ‘cutting the cord’ that is when it is most important because then you are just being used and you know it in some level.
You need people who can inspire, motivate, teach, support and who genuinely want you. Sometimes those people you cut out come back you can see if they have changed and will be a good friend to have in your life. Just don’t give out second chances freely, there has to be a point when second chances run out.
This is my opinion. If you act like the above then I suggest you step back and look at how you are around people and see if you like the person you are being. Be careful and watch how much you vent, complain, control and avoid blame.